AdultWork.com - DominaJemma's Blog

Send me a free email when DominaJemma posts to their blog

Tuesday, June 4th 2019

Tips & Advice For First Time Chastity Subs

Tips & Advice For First Time Chastity Subs - Best Devices, Hygiene & Key Holding Services

There are lots of reasons a man might decide to enter into chastity, many do it as full relinquishment of control and the ultimate sacrifice to their Mistress, to feel that they are still serving their Mistress at a distance, to torture oneself for lack of a Mistress, to challenge oneself or learn some self control, and even as a cure for masturbation addiction!

Whatever your reasons there are a few things to take into consideration before deciding to go into short term or long term chastity, and while there are a few forums out there most of the info is fragmented and it's easy to miss out on vital bits.

I have held many subs in chastity, both male and female, over the last 16 years and being fully involved in the journey with them I have picked up a few useful bits of information about being in chastity along the way, so I have put together some essential info on getting into it and everything you need to consider from health & hygiene and finding the best fitting device, maintenance.

So before deciding to commit to chastity there are a few key points to take into consideration.

*In terms of health, studies have shown that regular ejaculation can decrease the risk of developing prostate cancer, so it is important to have a bit of knowledge about your family medical history, if prostate cancer has a history in your family then chastity without release for no more than a couple of weeks at a time would probably be sensible, and not for extended periods either. The health risks need to be remembered when deciding about the amount of time/frequency of release you want to achieve in chastity.

*Whilst it is easy to urinate and wash when wearing a chastity device, it is likely that you will experience some rubbing and chafing of the device on your testicles or penis, this discomfort can be relieved with the regular application of water based lube, morning afternoon and night, so you should factor this possibility into your daily schedule and make preparations for carrying lube on you at all times.

*Finding the right chastity device for you could be a costly initial investment, no cocks are the same and there is no one size fits all, so while many men in chastity may recommend a particular product for fit and comfort it may not always be suitable for you. As chastity devices are quite "intimate" items not all companies will accept returns, so you may end up wasting a bit of money on a couple of useless devices before you find the right fit.

*Whilst it may seem more psychologically exciting to wear a heavy steel device and feel totally under control, there are some practical implications to consider. A heavy bulky device is going to make itself known, to you and potentially to the outside world. Imagine your life wearing this device before you go for it - you wear really tight pants at the office, you clunk it on the corner of your desk, you man spread your legs while on public transport, you wear very baggy shorts a lot, consider the areas where such a large heavy device might get you into trouble, especially if your keys are going to be held by a third party! You've also got to try and get some sleep with that thing hanging there! You may eventually decide to consider investing in different devices for different occasions.

*Make provisions for emergencies! If you're in long distance chastity to someone and the keys to your device are 100 miles away, what happens if you start to feel unwell and need to call an ambulance? Are you trying to hide this device from someone in the family? Would you be mortified if the paramedics saw it? If you are not in close regular contact with your key holder you need to make sure you have a way out of your device in an emergency, even if that means stashing bolt cutters in the house somewhere. You shouldn't use them unless you absolutely have to obviously! Don't break the trust in your chastity contract (assuming that's you're arrangement) by pulling a cheeky one!

*If even with a fairly small device you are concerned that it is still showing, you might have to consider "tucking" your junk between your legs slightly. You could do this with a piece of duct tape, attached to the underside of the device passing between your legs towards the back and stuck down to a bum cheek, not the most comfortable for long term daily wear, especially if you've got a hairy ass! Otherwise you are going to need some tight fitting underwear to hold the device close to your body. A lot of chastity subs enjoy the added element of being further emasculated by being made to wear ladies underwear, a nice tight thong will definitely hold your junk in place! If ladies underwear is not doing it for you or too much of a risk, then consider buying a mans thong or some speedo type pants instead.

How to choose the best device.

You're going to need to get really up close and personal with your junk for this one, you're going to have to push yourself to make 'observations' about size and shape without being critical or fantastical about it! If you judge yourself too harshly or are too generous with your observations, then you're going to end up forking out money for devices you can't use, so for once in your life you will need to be objective about your genitals!

Are you a shower or a grower? Measure your penis length and circumference, you will still get erections while you wear the device, wake up with morning glory etc. you will just be restricted, squished and uncomfortable, so make a note of the difference in size between hard and flaccid and look for a shaft piece that allows for that. Inspect your testicles, is your scrotum easy to hold in the palm of your hand or are the testicles tucked up too high? Perhaps they hang really low and you have a very stretched scrotum. Perhaps you have huge swollen or chunky balls that you need two hands to wrap around the whole lot properly, any one or all of these size and shape factors could affect if a device will be comfortable or not, so make sure you know what you are working with. If you have large chunky balls that make a bulge in your pants already then it's not a good idea to get the largest chunkiest cage to sit on top of them, you're just asking for trouble.

After that you need to understand how most devices fit together so you can better understand the space the device provides once assembled.

Although there is a large variety of device designs out there the most common structure found is known as a "ball trapper" and consists of 3 main elements, the shaft cover at the front, the ring at the back which surrounds your full genitals, penis and testicles, and the spacing pins which are inserted from the back of the ring passing across the top of the penis and then extending through the shaft cover at the front, where a hole in the center spacing pin allows for a padlock which prevents the further 2 side pins from sliding out of the shaft piece.

These spacing pins come in different lengths to allow a larger or smaller gap at the bottom between the ring and shaft for the testicles to comfortably hang out between, hence the name "ball trapper!"

These devices come in 3 different materials, solid stainless steel and coloured or transparent plastic and silicone. From my experience I would say that each material has it's benefits but within a given set of circumstances. Steel devices although often beautiful and intricate, do not offer a lot of practicality for long term all day wear, those with less than average stature can get away with wearing these long term, but anyone with a bit of bulk in the length or balls is going to find heavy steel tiresome in the long run. They can be lovely show pieces though and a lot of subs buy one for "special occasions", a session with Mistress or a public event for example.

A lot of people are very happy in long term chastity with a plastic device, though they are very rigid, can cause excess sweat in the region, rub and chafe certain areas of the shaft or pinch on the balls if the ring is quite thin.

If you are considering a really long term in chastity then I would definitely recommend a soft touch skin feel silicone device. The velvety feel will cause less friction on your skin, they are light weight so wont pull down on your genitals, create a massive bulk in your pants or clunk on the corners of furniture as you squeeze past and the flexibility of the silicone gives you a lot more in terms of comfort when it comes to sleeping with the device on or sitting in awkward positions, driving for a long time etc.

Many of the silicone devices come with extra thick rings that surround the whole genitals, I have found that these thicker rings worked really well for gentleman with low hanging testicles and extended scrotums as they could not slip out of these rings as they could on the plastic and steel devices. A device I reccomend for low hanging balls is the Master Series sado cage which my personal sub currently wears, he has tried many devices and found this to be the most comfortable and accommodating of his long scrotum.

When it comes to sizes, if you have an average sized penis and balls with no striking features then a lot of the standard devices will fit you, finding full compatibility will come down to the material used, the type of system/ mechanism and the locking options.

If you have a thick penis and/or very chunky balls in a tight high up scrotum then you're going to struggle with the ring sizes on most standard devices, even if you can just about squeeze your cock and balls into the largest ring provided it's not a good fit if it cant turn loosely around the balls allowing enough freedom for some movement, retraction, circulation and thermal regulation. If you hope to make babies one day, restricting circulation to your testicles on the regular is never a good idea. If you have very large testicles then you are going to struggle to find anything among the standard products with a ring large enough and will probably be looking at having a custom piece made.

If you have a very thick penis or an excessive amount /overstretched foreskin, it is likely that the shaft covering piece of the device will rub and chafe on specific points and cause swollen welted areas of skin. (This can heal easily after the device is removed, if the area is kept clean and free of infection while the device is on, it's just going to be very uncomfortable.) You need to be looking for devices with a wider shaft to be able to tuck your skin in properly and longer spacer pins to allow extra room for a larger thicker cock or balls getting in the way. You definitely should not be looking at any devices without spacer pins.

If you have very low hanging testicles and a stretched out scrotum, you may find that even wearing the smallest ring possible your testicles still slip out of the ring when you're showering or swimming. The extra thick rings that come on devices like the Master Series are going to be the best bet for wrangling those dangling balls.

It is important to note that if while wearing a chastity device you begin to suffer from stomach cramps and pains, urinary tract issues (needing to pee but not being able to do it, burning while you pee) or a burning or aching sensation in the testicles, this is a good indication that you're testicles are being strangled and the tight fit is interfering with your normal bodily functions, you need to switch to a larger cock ring as soon as possible. With a good fitting ring you should still be able to get your middle finger under it while it's on and locked in place.

If you have very retracted testicles that prevent you from wrapping your hand around your scrotum properly, it is unlikely that you will manage to fit a chastity cage at all, in which case you could consider the waist belted device, there are also specialist devices for micro-penises that don't reach into the shaft piece.

If you are one of the few fellas that have been bestowed with gloriously chunky balls and members that could easily be described as above average, then you will probably find that most of what's out there is too tight and uncomfortable, but the good news is that for about the same price as what you would invest on a good quality device in the standard market, you can have a custom sized device designed and 3D printed for you by a designer on Shapeways. Although the devices are printed in plastic and not silicone as I would normally recommend for long term wear, the fact that you can have the device specifically made to your measurements means you get the perfect custom comfort fit, and there have been a lot of great reviews for this product. I particularly like the more ergonomic shape of the ring which I am sure will give the testicles more a feeling of being hugged than pinched.

These custom devices are known as KHD (KH Dreams) chastity devices and are designed by the Italian pedro69 (who better than an Italian to understand the difficulties of being stallion sized!) on the 3D printing site shapeways. I am not allowed to post links here but you can easily find this product by inputting the info I have provided here in Google.

Device Locking Methods.

All devices that I know of can be secured with a steel padlock and key set up, though if you are in chastity to a Mistress that lives a hundred miles away this is not exactly convenient for dropping of the keys or picking them up if you need to.

It is possible instead to use small plastic locks that have their own individual ID number, although the locks are very easily removable they are only usable once, once the ID lock is in place you must register the ID number with your Mistress and if you attempt to remove it without her knowledge you will not be able to re-attach the same lock She has registered so you will be caught out by the unregistered ID number of a new lock. Some Mistresses will ask for daily verification via, photos, videos or daily passwords to ensure that your lock ID number remains the same.

If you do decide to go for a proper steel lock, consider that the lock will have sharp edges and corners, many subs have complained about the corner of locks digging into something or even tearing the skin slightly, so if you want to go for a proper padlock, make sure you look for a rubber coated lock that will also have curves instead of sharp edges.

Personal Hygiene.

While it's not impossible to keep clean in a chastity device your cleansing routine is going to have to adapt somewhat.

The first thing you need to think about before you even put on the device is your pubic hair.
Long pubic hair is going to get trapped in the device and tug and pull, and it may not necessarily happen at the most convenient moment! Constant tugging of your pubes is not going to make it a pleasant experience. On the other side of the coin, you do not want to be fully shaving your pubes off either, regrowth can be very very itchy, you're not going to be able to scratch the areas that are being covered by the device and any sweating under the device or the device itself rubbing the shaved area can cause irritation and lead to folliculitis. (A bacterial infection of the hair follicle which can cause ingrown hair, boils & scarring.)

Before putting the device on it's a sensible idea to just have a good trim, using a beard trimmer with a plastic guard and trimming it down to about a centimetre in length. When ever you have a release date where the device comes off, you need to use that opportunity to have a re-trim and a bloody good wash!

Once you have the device on the next thing to take into account is urination, most subs will tell you that having a snug fitting shaft piece is best, the tip of your penis needs to be nestled nicely against the tip of the shaft cover so that when you urinate the stream comes straight out of the tip of the device. If there is any space between the head of your penis and the shaft cover it is likely to fill with urine every time you pee, meaning you're going to have to give your penis a good rinse every time you visit the bathroom.

When you wash you are going need to need a shower head with good water pressure, directed into the tip of the shaft to make sure you get a good rinse around your foreskin, it is a good idea to use a little moisturising body wash to keep your skin in good condition. After you have washed you are going to want to get in there with some cotton tips and ensure you have dried off properly under the device, your penis needs to be kept quite dry as trapped moisture can lead to gathering of bacteria and nasty smells, particularly under the foreskin, so having a little sniff of the used cotton tip will give you a good indication of how well you are doing with the hygiene. Your genitals will need to be washed properly in this manner at least twice a day, morning and night.

Although you need to keep your penis dry you will need to keep it moisturised to help with chafing, especially at night when your sleeping. Water based lubes can be great as they can provide moisturisation without staying wet for too long and at night a good slathering of baby oil all over your cock and balls can prevent pinching and rubbing while you sleep. Whatever product you choose you need to ensure that it does not contain Glycerin, as this ingredient is a sugary compound and can lead to yeast infections and sticky smelly messes.

When you are in chastity it is good practice to keep a little hygiene kit with you at all times, you never know when urination might just get a bit messy or you notice a bad smell and just need a quick wash, or it's just rubbing you up the wrong way and needs an application of lube. If you do need to give your penis a good rinse while you are out and about, say in the office toilets or a public loo for example, you are going to need a water container that you can take into the cubicle with you, and something that has good water pressure to make sure you rinse properly. A lot of subs recommend a hair dye application bottle, this kind of bottle has a pointed slender nozzle, the pointed nozzle can fit in the holes and gaps of the shaft piece and you can give the bottle a good squeeze and get a nice strong jet of water out of the nozzle straight along the shaft of your penis and in the tip for your foreskin so it's a good idea to purchase one of these, and you can add a little moisturising body wash to the solution too.

Your essential hygiene kit that you keep with you at all times should include:

*A water application bottle as described above.

*A small bottle of moisturising body wash.

*A packet of cotton tips.

*A small hand towel or wash cloth (you need to be able to dry your penis properly & toilet paper will just stick to everything!)

*A small bottle of water based lube.

*A small bottle of baby oil.

If you still struggle with keeping your genitals in a sanitary condition and are noticing frequent bad smells, than you should discuss with your key holder the possibility of regular supervised release in order to give the area a proper wash without obstruction.

Key Holding Services.

If you are hoping to be in chastity in service to a Dominant or simply need someone to hold the keys and keep you in check, you are going to need a key holder.

If you serve a Mistress privately can you suggest your desire for chastity and have the terms written into your submission agreement.

If you serve a professional Mistress she may agree to hold your keys as part of a regular arrangement you already hold with her, otherwise if you are not regularly in service to any particular Mistress you could apply for a key holding service even if you are not interested in attending sessions.

The terms of key holding will vary from Mistress to Mistress, My terms for the key holding service I provide can be found on My profile under the tab "Services". Scroll down the page to find the long distance services.

If you are considering exploring chastity and giving full control of your pleasure and orgasms to a special lady in your life, hopefully some of this information can help you make an informed choice, though it is always a good idea to put yourself through a self imposed period of chastity to get used to it first before you go handing those keys over!

If you have other tips and experiences to share or particular products to recommend I am sure my chastity subs and followers would love to hear from you, so please feel free to leave your comments below.

The more information we can gather on the subject, the more men we can convince to live in chastity and finally the Female Order will start to take full control!!!! :D

Happy long term denial and sacrifice,

much love,
Domina Jemma x :)

Tuesday, June 4th 2019

Advice For Your First Ever Session

Advice For Your First Ever Session: What To Expect & How To Be Prepared

I have worked as a professional Mistress for over 16 years now and in that time it has been My great pleasure to conduct the very first session of thousands of subs, providing a fun and relaxed atmosphere in which My subs can safely explore and confront their darkest fantasies for the first time is something I have become specialised in and it continues to be a pleasure to help you all discover yourselves and your true potential for pleasure through kinks, fetishes and servitude.

That said, it still surprises Me to receive messages everyday from new candidates requesting a session whilst admitting they know very little about it, thus ensues the usual list of questions of what is involved, what will happen, will it hurt, etc and it is really clear that these people actually have no idea what they are asking to be involved in. So while I am always happy to session with a new person, it is really important that you as the client, have done your research properly and have clearly established your own personal boundaries so that you are in a position to give fully informed consent. "You can do anything you want to me" does not count as informed consent when anything I want could involve psychological humiliation, physical torture that could involve bleeding and/or leave marks or permanent scarring, or any number of very physically invasive practices.

So if you have never had a session before and are thinking about making a booking, here are some things you should know before contacting Me, or any Mistress, for a booking.

Disclaimer: The following is My professional opinion only and what is required to make an appointment with Me, there are no set 'industry standards' as every provider has their own way of doing things, It is always up to you to find out what you can about the provider you are contacting.

Before you even think about contacting a Mistress, you need to know yourself.

The practices on offer by Mistresses around the world are vast and varied, from role play to extreme bondage, humiliation and fetishes, not every Mistress offers the same things and not every sub likes the same things. So while you may be titillated by some pornography you saw or some stylised fetish images of glorious Dommes in their shiny latex, it's important to remember if you meet this person She will do unusual stuff to your body and you should be mentally prepared for that.

Take time having a good look at the practices offered by different Mistresses, see which ones appeal to you, watch some related porn and see if watching this practice really excites you, and more importantly use this opportunity to establish what is not acceptable to you, what your hard limits are.

Now in My experience these limits we set ourselves are often subject to change, over time our tastes evolve, we become more comfortable with certain things that lead us into others we hadn't previously considered, sometimes just playing with the right person can tempt us into things we had implicitly ruled out before, but if you don't know what your boundaries and limits are right now in this moment that you are about to play, your Dominant cannot be expected to respect what you yourself are unable to know or communicate and this is not a consensual situation.

Yes, We are Dominants and We ''do what We want'' (to a certain extent!!), but there is still reciprocal respect for our subs and what they are comfortable with, you set your basic interests and limitations and We guide the sessions within those lines, this is supposed to be an enjoyable and fulfilling experience for both the Dominant and the submissive! When we're talking about your first session most of Us wouldn't want to do something that would terrorise or traumatise you and prevent you from enjoying submission again, but we're not mind readers and you need to give some information about your interests and limits to give us a starting point without leading you down an unsuitable path for you.

Once you know what you want, get to know what you're chosen Mistress wants.

Now that you know what practices are suitable for you at this stage of your experience, you need to spend some time getting to know the Mistress you want to contact. I mentioned in My disclaimer that there aren't really any industry standards, but you can pretty much guarantee that most Mistresses will appreciate it if you spend a moment on their site first to double check that She provides the services you are interested in, and also to take a look at Her rules page and preferred method of contact, most rule pages can give you some idea of how you should conduct yourself in her sessions and what you can expect from Her. Informing yourself of the essential information your chosen Mistress has taken the time to provide is considered best form from a new candidate.

When you're ready to contact a Mistress, be prepared and do not waste her time.

Everyday a Mistress receives many messages from a variety of different sources - email, text and WhatsApp inquiries, phone calls, a handful of different social media profiles, the adultwork booking system and many more besides. That is a lot of messages to keep up with in one day and so when it comes to a response Mistresses are very selective, if it's obvious that you have not bothered to read her information or even say anything about yourself, that reply you are waiting for is going to the bottom of Her priority list.

Interestingly enough a Mistress recently released some data via Her twitter account, after responding to every single inquiry religiously for the last 2 years and recording the results of each inquiry, She was able to gather information about what kind of inquiries lead to bookings or turn out to be time wasters. Let Me just say that the results were a confirmation of what We in the industry have long believed, over 90% of those who don't bother to converse and introduce themselves properly soon disappear without ever making a booking, often after asking endless questions wasting the Mistresses time.

So if you contact a Mistress and don't wish to be perceived as a time waster there are a few guidelines to follow to give a good impression:

* A simple "Hi" or "how are you!" is not going to get a response. Remember this Mistress has a hundred messages a day to respond to, She is not looking to get into a reciprocal conversation with a stranger when the clock on her working availability is ticking, as you are at this point still a stranger - "how She is doing" is actually none of your business, make a full introduction so the Mistress can decide if you are someone she would want to see and engage with. Remember that as sex workers Mistresses expose themselves to strangers and potential danger everyday, show Her who you are if you expect Her to put Her personal safety at risk to meet you.

*Do not refer to the Mistress as "babe", "darling", "honey", "sweety" etc. you are entering a world of Female Domination where women command respect and you are the object, these are not acceptable terms to use when addressing a woman you claim to want to submit to. If you are unsure as to how your particular chosen provider wishes to be addressed, "Mistress" is always a safe place to start.

*Don't expect a reply if you don't make a proper introduction including your name (it doesn't have to be a real one), how much experience you have, and clear information about your interests and limits. This shows the Mistress that you are clear about what you want and your boundaries and have taken your decision to session with Her seriously and are not just a tourist that will disappear at the first mention of bondage.

*If you have questions make sure you check that their answers are not already provided on the Mistress in questions personal website, the site exists for this very purpose and it can be frustrating for a Mistress when She is bombarded daily from many with basic questions like what do you provide and what are your rates? 2 minutes of your time actually reading Her site puts you in good stead for a session.

*Expect to pay a deposit. Though I only ask for deposits when on tour many Mistresses will ask for a deposit to confirm your session. This is not unusual in the industry and should not surprise you, many Mistresses work from commercial premises and have to book and pay for these in advance of your session, you don't turn up and the Mistress is out of pocket, so don't take it personally if you are asked. If you have contacted a reputable Mistress with a large social following and a verifiable online history, then the chances of your deposit being 'stolen' are slim to none, your £50 deposit would barely cover one month's phone bill and is not worth getting a bad reputation and losing clients/ thousands in monthly income for. If you feel like you can't trust the Mistress with your deposit, then you SHOULD NOT be trusting Her with your body!

So you've made a booking what can you expect in a first session?

When you have made a booking with Me I expect that you have read my rules page and have presented yourself as requested, clean and fresh, sober, on time with cash tribute in hand and ID if you look underage (I only need to see it I don't need a copy).

After welcoming you into My property and satisfying Myself that you have fulfilled the above requirements I will invite you to use the bathroom before we proceed to My Dungeon, there we will have an informal discussion as two people getting to know each other. If you have experience I will ask you about that, if not I will ask about your motivation for pursuing your first session, then establish your interests and limits and any medical conditions you have that could interfere with or restrict the session.

Once we have chatted and you are comfortable to begin I will ask you to undress and our session will begin. To start with I will gently explore only the practices you have expressed interest in, to gauge your reaction and see if you find the reality as enjoyable as the fantasy, if things are going well I may introduce other practices that I think you might like based on your reactions to the previous activities. If it is your first session or you lack experience I will always conduct every practice very gently to begin with and then increase the intensity slowly if you are handling it well.

Although I am not an escort and do not offer penetrative sex or oral sex, if I feel you have behaved in a respectful manner throughout our session I will allow a happy ending. In My case I do offer assisted orgasm with hand and foot jobs or you may masturbate yourself if you prefer.

If you feel you able to orgasm more than once during the session there is no rule against it.

At the end of the session you will be given a moment to get yourself together and recover, before you may wash and get dressed (I offer full bathroom facilities with shower and towels) feel free to give Me some feedback on your session it is always appreciated.

If you were happy with your session and are thinking of returning, you can ask Me to save your number for future reference. (This is just so I know who you are when you contact me again, I will never call or message you at any time)

Booking with a Mistress is not the same as booking with an escort, you are engaging in potentially dangerous activities and it is important you are well informed for your own safety.

BDSM is all about consent and until you can show that you have carefully considered your decision and informed yourself enough to be able to consent fully, you are unlikely to get a response from any serious Mistress. Just as an uninformed Mistress can be dangerous to the client, an uninformed client can be dangerous to the Mistress - as it is Her ass on the line if something goes wrong because you failed to provide important information about limits and medical conditions.

If you are interested in pursuing BDSM activities with a Mistress then it is your responsibility as much as the Mistresses to ensure a safe and consensual situation between both parties, so don't get into these things lightly, there is a lot more on the line than a "bad sexual experience".

Thanks for reading and good luck with your first sessions!

Domina Jemma x

Tuesday, June 4th 2019

Information For Submissives Getting Into Anal Play

Information For Submissive Men Wanting To Get Into Anal Play.

Anal play is the most requested practice My subs ask for and I think for many other Mistresses too, as well as being extremely humiliating and emasculating, a lot of men are finally discovering their "P-spot" and exploring the joys of prostate stimulation.

There is a lot of strap on based porn out there, thousands (dare I say many more...?) of men have been enjoying it in the UK for years and thousands more are thinking about/starting to do it, but while it's easy to be excited by a porno showing some poor strapped up sub getting double hand fisted or fucked with the mother of all monster dildo's, being able to do that yourself as a newb to it all is not going to happen over night and it's important to know what to expect and what your body is capable of. If you turn up to your first session all over enthused begging Mistress to shove her biggest cock up your arse you're going to leave sorely disappointed instead of sorely bum fucked, because you've got eyes bigger then your arseholes!

You may have heard of the term 'Anal Training' and it exists for a reason, getting to a point where you can take more than a finger is a process, a commitment even!

So here's what you need to know about getting into anal play -

Wanting to explore it does not make you gay!

If you are physically and sexually attracted to men then it sounds like you could be at the very least bisexual, but the act of receiving anal pleasure isn't "gay", anal play does not belong to homosexual men, they do not have an exclusive claim to it, it's just the only hole they have available to play with. If you desire to serve a stunning dominating woman, who is so hot in Her stockings and heels that you'll even let Her fuck you in the ass then I think it's safe to say you're straight! Italians even have a term for it "morto di figa" refers to a man who is willing to "die for pussy!" (literally do anything!) and those Italian guys are ALL filthy bastards.
The reality is you guys have a very pleasurable spot up there and you all should see what that shit's about, feminists are always talking about how important their clit and G-spots are, your bits are just as important!
You have a pleasure button, science says so, so make the most of it or what would be the point of having it!?

Before you can enjoy it, you have to get used to the feeling of something going in instead of out!

Feeling like you're shitting backwards takes a little minute to get your head around, it will be uncomfortable, only slightly painful if at all, but mostly awkward. You need to remember to relax, breath and use lots of lube! I always recommend that you at least spend some time fingering yourself before you decide to let someone else get in there, it's always preferable to deal with the shock of it all in private rather than in the company of the very first professional you chose to visit! Get comfortable with some degree of activity down there and with yourself!

The anus is a muscle and it needs to be trained. Properly!

It's a very tight muscle and for damn good reason! So just as you have to gently stretch your muscles at the gym for improved flexibility, the same works with your ass. I see you eyeing up that 16 inch black bad boy but you can forget about it bitch, that right there is running before you can even crawl!

The sphincter muscle will have to be stretched open slowly and gradually, if you could lock yourself in a room for a couple of days just playing with your ass you could probably stretch it enough to fit a dildo the size of an average penis, but if you don't maintain that progress the muscle will snap right back, you're going to need to wear butt plugs for long periods of time and regularly so that the muscle can get used to being stretched open, your skin in that area needs to be able to stretch slowly too.

If you try to force something in there that's too big you risk damaging the muscle tissue, tearing the walls of the anus causing bleeding and increasing the risk of hemorrhoids, so this is a proceed with caution kind of activity.

Butt plug starter kits usually come in various sizes, you're going to need to start with the smallest and build you're way up to the largest, once you're there and comfortable putting it in, taking it out and wearing it for a period of time then you're ready to start getting into rougher strap on pegging with a Mistress and can start thinking about fisting too, though if you want to get into fisting and larger dildos you'll need to invest in some larger butt plugs and dildos and practice by yourself frequently.
Poppers can help, a little huff helps to relax the muscles.

If you're not prepared or able to put in the extra time and effort into some training at home then visiting a Mistress once a month/fortnight is not going to get you anywhere, it just isn't frequent enough to keep the anal muscle trained and flexible and every time will be like your first time. You'll never get to the part where you really enjoy it and in session with your Mistress the best you'll ever manage is a 5 minute fingering and maybe 2 minutes of a tiny cock strap on if you're having a good day. Forget the fist, forget the big boys, it ain't gonna happen.

There's nothing wrong with having a little taster and seeing if it's something you can deal with, I get that, but if you really want to fully enjoy anal play it will take some dedication and commitment.

You'll need to learn how to give yourself an enema!

If you are wanting to explore beyond more than a wee little cherry popper cock then you will definitely have to think about hygiene, once you start getting deeper into that cavity it will start getting messy, if you can handle that on your own time then fair play to you, but when it comes to booking a session you will find that many Mistresses require you to perform an anal cleansing before you turn up, it's the polite thing to do. So invest in an enema bulb or purchase a disposable enema kit from the pharmacy.
A few Mistresses will be happy to perform the enema for you, but some, like Myself, will not.

If you intend to get into seriously extreme anal play then you're going to have to start thinking seriously about preparing for a session. I have one sub who I saw for years in Italy and still keep in touch with, who's ass could stretch open to such a degree that he had to bring along his own personal selection of specialist dildos from the states because Mistresses never had them big enough for him (this was 12 years ago where epicly proportioned dildos were not as easy to get hold of!) But in order to prepare for being opened to such an extent, he had to fast for 3 days and perform an enema twice a day for those 3 days before his session!

Even if you're not planning to go this extreme it's a good idea to consider things like your dietary intake before a session, there are many things that could cause runny stools which makes a proper and thorough anal cleanse difficult to achieve. Alcohol, sweeteners, excessive fruit and veg / high fiber, fatty foods, dairy and tea and coffee should all be avoided the day before your anal session. Avoid sloppy stools by sticking to red meat, processed grains, starchy foods like bread & potatoes and fried food.

I'm always happy to accept sessions with newbies who don't even know where to begin, but it's important to me that it becomes something that is exciting and thoroughly enjoyable for my subs, even when it's for humiliation, so do yourself a favour and commit to some proper anal training, you won't regret it - it's a short term commitment to a lifetime of pleasure!

DJ x

Tuesday, June 4th 2019

Important Considerations For Public Humiliation

Important Considerations For Planning A Public Humiliation Scene

Public humiliation is quite a popular request and recently I have been receiving more and more inquiries for it, but there is a hell of a lot to think about in public humiliation, from a legal, personal, professional, emotional and community perspective, it's not something to get into without first giving it some serious thought.

Depending on what you want to do in public you could be breaking the law, being seen by the wrong person could cause massive implications in both your personal and professional life and have a knock on effect on your emotional well being, it's also quite a controversial practice potentially causing a backlash, both in and out of the BDSM community.

Most who call Me have never given any thought to the consequences of their actions, so if public humiliation is something you're thinking about, do the responsible thing and read up properly on what public humiliation could actually involve.

The Law Vs. Public Perception - Evaluating the risk of a scene

So if we consider methods of public humiliation that are technically illegal, let's use the basic example of nudity or even having sex, then you need to be considering the possibilities and consequences. (Keeping in mind that while most BDSM practices are not illegal to do, performing them in public could be considered some form of indecency or exposure}

If you walk through the town center naked on a busy lunchtime or are getting it on in a public park you're likely to be arrested as a public nuisance, if it's an area with a large presence of children then people are gonna be really pissed and rightly so, you could be looking at the sex offenders register, being squirreled off in the woods somewhere where you might get caught by a couple of dog walkers however, not so bad, even if they call the police at the very least you have time to get dressed and run!

The reality is that any Mistress you contact for a public humiliation session is probably not going to want to take the risk of breaking the law to help you out, no sex worker wants to attract the attention of the authorities, but the context of the situation and the public perception in that context are really important things to take into consideration when planning a public humiliation scene.
You might want to walk down the high street in full rubber gimp get up, on a Monday lunch time that's probably going to be an issue, 11.30 on a Saturday night however, and you'll probably just be confronted with a bunch of pissed up piss takers! No parent wants to explain to a child why there is an adult man walking around the supermarket with a nappy hanging out of his jeans, which wouldn't even be that suspicious if you weren't being tailed by a stunning woman in stockings and heels, but one o'clock in the morning at the 24 hour tesco's and you'll probably just be providing the knackered night shifters a bit of entertainment.

Know your location, know your audience, familiarise yourself with the legal consequences and whatever the hell you do just stay away from the children, that kind of proximity to minors when it comes to anything with a sexual dynamic makes people hysterical, you can't really blame them and it's not the perception we want the public to have of the BDSM community.

Lastly you really need to think about your privacy, we live in a world where everyone has a camera in their pocket and we think nothing of snapping a photo of total strangers then sharing them with the world, it is not uncommon these days for scenes of public humiliation in a BDSM context to go viral, it happened again just a few weeks ago and hit national news. That could be you, the likelihood of being filmed or photographed by a member of the public, if not several, is extremely high. I work with young adults in sexual education and I am constantly having to remind them that it is not OK to take a photo of someone without their consent in any context!

While there is always potential to really genuinely upset people, most British people thrive on taking the good old fashioned piss out of each other, you have to consider the consequences of you becoming a viral joke and how that may affect your personal life. It's unlikely you can walk round tescos wearing a nappy even at 1 am, if you're wearing a mask to protect yourself from random photo snappers but now look like you're just going to rob the joint.

Personal, Professional & Emotional Implications

In My experience most people who seek a thrill from any kind of BDSM practice can get carried away and forget to think properly about the consequences, public humiliation is no exception yet it requires a lot more forethought.

There is quite a checklist of questions you need to ask yourself to make sure you have covered all the possibilities if you were to go viral and/or be recognised:

Do you have a partner? Are they likely to be be upset by this? Potentially leave?

Do you have children? What could happen there? They may be young now but are you comfortable with them possibly finding this photo/video of you in 10 years time? Can you have that conversation with them? How would you feel if your parents watched it?

How would you cope at work if your colleagues saw it? Does your employment contract have a morality cause which could mean your employers perceive this as a sack-able offense? Do you have any back up plan in place if you were to lose your job?

As much as we like to think we're a progressive society, these kinds of activities still attract scandal and intrigue and it only takes a hot minute to get internet famous these days, that kind of infamy can have a knock on effect throughout every aspect of your life and have serious consequences for your mental health too.

If you have something or someone to lose and there isn't a way to properly protect your identity in your public humiliation fantasy, I would seriously reconsider a major compromise if not abandoning the idea entirely.

Controversy Surrounding Public BDSM Play

Any act of consensual BDSM play in public is going to cause controversy, particularly within the BDSM community itself, if you participate in that community you run the risk of alienating some of your peers.

For a long time the BDSM community have worked on public appearance and perception, we've tried hard to steer the public's thoughts away from images of dark moldy dungeons full of men and women in chains being tortured and abused like in the 70's sexploitation movies, towards a more informed view of sexual exploration in a fun and playful context, with absolute consent & trust in a caring healthy relationship, so there is concern among the community that committing BDSM acts in public is doing so without the public's consent and giving the opposite impression of what we have worked for so far. I think to some extent we have succeeded at improving public perception and whatever we as a community might think of the atrocities of the 50 shades trilogy, it certainly opened the public's mind and helped spread that acceptance a little further.

I really believe however, that there is an extremely fine line between upsetting the public therefore creating a bad image for the BDSM community and fighting for the acceptance of the BDSM community by accustomising the public to certain aspects of it and changing their perception further.

I want to clarify on this point by using the example of the public humiliation scene that went viral a few weeks ago, which involved a Mistress and a male submissive in a busy train station of London on a week day afternoon, in which she watched as as he knelt in the station wearing collar and lead holding a sign which said something along the lines of "on probation for Mistress". They attracted quite a crowd and video and photos were taken by several onlookers as station staff became involved.

There was huge backlash from the BDSM community on twitter, expressing disgrace that the couple had engaged in this activity without the public's consent, but honestly, I thought it was a modest and respectful display of female power, made even more powerful by the fact that the Mistress in question is a Woman of colour.

That is something that people often forget, BDSM can be political, it can represent serious changes that we as a society have failed to make but really need in many aspects of our life - feminism, race, gender and sexual orientation, general acceptance, empowerment, sexual health and rights, freedom of expression, a right to happiness... BDSM represents all of that and much more.

So I don't think that the scene between this Mistress and her sub was a disgrace to the community or morally reprehensible, they were both fully and modestly clothed, there wasn't a child in sight, the only BDSM prop involved was a collar and lead which many into alternative fashion wear anyway and no physical activity ever occurred between them! They were not breaking the law in any way.

It was a strong, simple and silent display that showed that BDSM is empowering to both Mistress and submissive (yes, the submissive is just as empowered in that he has the strength to confront public dismay in order to show his admiration and dedication for his Mistress and for his own happiness and well being!) and that empowerment transcends race, gender, sexuality, social inequality and even the public's opinion. There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing the world that a strong black female has the right to power too or that a man has every right to be publicly sensitive and express his love for a woman, consent or not, these are the kind of messages that the world population needs to be absorbing.

I am not in any way condoning the performance of graphic sexual or violent acts, full nudity or gross exhibitionism to an unsuspecting non consenting public, I am in full agreement that this is a disrespectful way to behave to anyone and not the image that the BDSM community should have to suffer, but that shouldn't mean that every element of public BDSM play is off limits, the relationship aspect of BDSM is something to be incredibly proud of and that studies have shown should be a shining example of what to aim for in all relationships. If there were an official BDSM community manifesto, public acceptance would be high up on it, but in order to achieve that we have an important message to spread and we won't ever get to do that by hiding behind closed doors. We can be out and proud without being loud.

So with that being said, if you genuinely want to engage in public humiliation, ask yourself:

"What kind of message does this scene send to the public?"

Consider the damage you might do to the wider community yes, if you think that it could look damaging to BDSM participants as a whole, in even a minor way then you should think again, even if you don't care about the community, that same negative image could also lead to providers like Myself being demonised and pushed underground and that is an inherently more dangerous situation for both the providers and the clients.

HOWEVER, if you think your scene might send a politically empowering message without being offensive as defined by the law, then you go for it and fuck the back lash. The community needs more people like that whether they realise it or not.

Acceptance has literally never been won by hiding in the closet.

Public humiliation is not as simple as playing in the dungeon because you will also have to consider everybody else's feelings, the potential for negative consequences increases exponentially, this decision requires some pretty careful and sound judgement on your part. Personally I wouldn't do a public humiliation session with anyone that is unable to demonstrate to Me that they have given this decision some very serious and considerable thought and even then I would also have to evaluate the risk to Myself.

As exciting as the idea of public humiliation might seem it is not for everybody, before you get carried away make sure you consider all the implications for your own personal life, because being able to give fully informed consent to a situation that has the potential to cause some serious problems in your life is so, so important.

DJ x