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Tuesday, July 25th 2023

Summer update & some Serious Kit cumming soon

Hello, to all my clients, friends & PNCs (potential new clients)! Mistress Orchid aka the Tees Valley Mistress, is thrilled to share some exciting news with you. I am proud to announce that my playroom in County Durham, North East England will shortly become home to the groundbreaking SeriousKit Milking Machine.

As Mistress Orchid, I believe in providing the best experiences for those who entrust themselves to my care. That's why I have invested in the remarkable SeriousKit Milking Machine. This incredible creation, inspired by the iconic American 'Surge Milker', combines state-of-the-art engineering, advanced vacuum technology, and tantalizing electro-stimulation to take your pleasure to unprecedented heights.

On August 7th, 2023, we will unveil the SeriousKit Milking Machine at Mistress Orchid's playroom. Prepare to embark on a journey like no other as you explore the intense sensations and pleasure this revolutionary device has to offer.

But the SeriousKit Milking machine is just the beginning. I've prepared an exciting roadmap for the next 12 months, following a path of continued investment in SeriousKit's vast range of items and accessories. From hand pump suction tubes to full rubber suits, each product is tastefully designed to push boundaries and elevate experiences.

SeriousKit is renowned for their commitment to innovation and quality over 25+ years, ensuring that every device they create is a testament to their expertise. The new milking machine is truly a game-changer. By harnessing pulsation and precise speed control, it delivers an unparalleled milking experience. You'll be captivated by its versatility, allowing for simultaneous or alternate pulsation, with a wet lube feed to intensify your sensations.

At the heart of the SeriousKit Milking Machine lies the SPT (Suck Pump Tease), a hands-free tube suspended from my bondage bed frame. It envelops your penis in a responsive rubber lining. With its consistent wet lubricant feed, the SPT offers an unbeatable combination of suction and pulsation to drive you wild with pleasure. Even those who suffer from partial disfunction can be stimulated. Multiple orgasms? Perhaps. That will be for Mistress to decide, not you. #Trust #BDSM #SSC

As Mistress Orchid, the Tees Valley Mistress, I am committed to expanding my knowledge and expertise in the art of tie and tease. My dedication to providing quality equipment and ensuring the satisfaction of all my valued clients extends beyond the Tees Valley region to those from across the UK who visit me from afar.

Starting from August 7th, 2023, you can indulge in sessions with the SeriousKit Milking Machine at my playroom in County Durham. Advance booking and deposit required! Don't miss out on this chance to explore the ultimate milking experience, brought to you by SeriousKit and presented by Mistress Orchid.

Dare you submit?
Warm regards, Mistress Orchid

Monday, November 14th 2022

Autumn News

Hello Sexy Friends
Well it’s now nearly three months since I sold my Darlington dungeon playroom. I'd hoped to be moving straight into bigger premises on Teesside but it was not to be. The hikes to commercial energy bills put paid to plans to buy the adjoining property as well, & plans to renovate & open a bricks & mortar fetish club. The current owners, in poor health sadly, will likely struggle to remain viable, so there was a real risk we’d end up with a derelict building next door. Add to that, a vendor who turned out to be ‘less than transparent’ shall we say, and lawyers tossing it off while supposed to be working from home (NINE MONTHS OF LEGALS ENDURED before we called TIME) and you can begin to imagine the nightmare…. a snapshot of contemporary Britain post pandemic.

So, there’s been a lot of soul searching lately. The delays have meant putting the heavy dungeon furniture into storage, though I've moved all the toys & sissy stuff back home. I found another property which appeared suitable, however, covenants in the title deeds rang alarm bells, so now (November) I'm back to Square ONE. I believe there's a likelihood this winter for financial collapse along the lines of 2008 if not worse, so I've decided to hold position until Spring. I have my eyes on another commercial building but right now I'm focusing on providing sessions at home, & weathering the storm so I come out smiling. Stay tuned.

Regulars won’t be surprised to learn that I'm continuing to invest heavily in equipment. Just this week I've taken delivery of around a grand’s worth of e-stim goodies to add to my already extensive collection. I've gone for a third power box, the ultimate in E-Stim Technology and Connectivity this time; a 2B unit with E-stim Connect Pack…. meaning I can stimulate you remotely over the internet to wherever you are in the World. Yep, you read that right. Next stage will be a full rubber electro-suit, but need to save for that cuz they run to a few grand a time.

For lovers of big insertions & assgasms I've added a ‘Large Deviant’ too, measuring a whopping 50mm diameter and 148 mm long, not as big as some of the synthetic dildos lurking in the medical cabinet but that’s not the point; Deviant is solid aircraft grade aluminium with stainless steel fittings, it’s ribbed, and it’s dual pole, though for best results I like to use it as a monopole combined with a loop or pad. Also in the e-stim shipment were new electro-cock-straps, so don’t be worrying anymore about sticky pads coming loose. I've bought an electro PenisPlug™ too, with Diamond head & mirror finish. Not for the faint of heart I have to say. It never fails to amaze me how erotic e-stim can be! Come try it & find out for yourself!

Interestingly, I've discovered the revamped Series ONE now called Helix to be way more powerful than Electro-Pebble, though admittedly it’s not as refined. But when you’re sexed up to the max ‘refined’ isn’t something you care much about is it? I don’t see a huge number of hard core e-stimmers; most recipients are regulars, experienced kinksters, who like to see it on the menu. To be fair, their kind don’t need a whole lot of foreplay and warming up; its like another course of a gourmet meal to them. When they say at the end of a session ‘You had me so, so nearly saying Red’ (the safe word) then I know I've well and truly DELIVERED. Isn't that the very definition of great service delivering what it 'says on the tin' and a little bit more on top? So, who’s next?

Saturday, December 29th 2018

A New Year dawns…

Hi guys & hoping you had a very Merry Christmas and wishing you all the best for the New Year. The last few weeks of 2018 have been a bit of a nightmare and I’ve hardly met anyone at all due to illness; it all started with what looks like an adverse reaction to a flu jag (yeah, that’s what we call’em in Scotland)….that’ll teach me to get it done at Tesco’s I suppose but thank goodness I’m starting to feel better with the help of a second dose of anti-biotics. It’s been no fun at all, and twice I’ve had to cut short tours to London and come home early. So anyway guys, I’ve got some interesting NEWS for 2019. Many of you’ll know that as a solo service provider I’m moving further away from GFE type escorting and concentrating more on Domination, Humiliation and Electroplay. As a couple we’ve met several subs locked in chastity, and its a subject that fascinates me, so much so that I’ve invested in some chastity cages...top of the range models from AL Enterprises, the global leaders in chastity devices for over a decade. So if its submissive servitude you’re looking for I might just hold the key to your gratification, get in touch, but remember, Mistress doesn’t do one line monosyllabic messages littered with spelling mistakes, text-speak and punctuation errors. You’ll need to convince me you’re worth bothering my time over, so in the first instance, craft a sensible email via this site and hit the SEND button, and I’ll give it consideration. Maybe.

Other news, is that I’ve found playroom & dungeon premises not a million miles away from my current location in the North East. I don’t have the keys yet, but I hope to be up and running sometime before Easter. It comes complete with Fetters equipment, and decent facilities including kitchen, chill out room and shower. I’ll only be entertaining Adult Work members there who have feedback or people I already know for the sake of discretion. If you’re not a member then I’ll see you at the other location, again its a maybe, depending on your communication skills. Once we’ve met for a first time, you may or may not be invited to the premium playroom & dungeon going forward. In addition to the chastity devices, I’ve added new CP items...more news about corporal punishment role-plays over on fun50couple’s blog. Finally, if you’re one of the ever increasing numbers of guys who wants to be penetrated I’ve got a SERIOUS what the Yorkshire folk would call ‘fuck off’ strap-on coming...professional grade, guaranteed to satisfy. Don’t worry, there are different sizes of dildos starting with the babies & going up to a whopping 10.5” insertable length, the question is, Can you take it? One things for sure, if you can’t be bothered to present yourself properly for a right royal rogering then you’ll NOT get to see it, by that I mean you’ll need to be squeaky CLEAN, a big ask I know. It never ceases to amaze me the numbers of men who when asked if they’ve showered reply meekly ‘Yeah, this morning when I got up’ or even, ‘Yeah last night’, then worked all day or even worse driven in a hot car for hours on end….expecting me to go down on them...Wake up guys. Some want anal and I ask if they’ve douched….their reply is usually ‘Errrr, what’s that?’ to which I’ll reply “That’ll be a No then!” I totally ‘get it’ that many of you won’t have heard of a douche, or may not have the initiative to get hold of one and keep it somewhere safely hidden (tip: they can be passed off as distilled water fillers for car batteries), however, you needn’t be worrying, cuz I’ve got a stock of those in too for you to buy on site, OK? Another tip: if you’re seeking anal, ‘fast’ for a few hours beforehand maybe skip a meal, and at the very least use the shower head imaginatively when you’re at home and planning a meet with an escort later in the day, Right? Rant over…..#JustSaying guys! Believe me, all I want is for your expectations to be met. So until my next blog, enjoy New Years Eve (in Scotland its bigger than Christmas but you English don’t seem to embrace it so much as us Scots, that’s why they give us an extra day’s Bank Holiday to get over it lol) Anyway, I’ll be in London from January 1st and back in the North East middle of the month, Happy New Year & stay safe. I am fun50minx and most definitely NOT your run-of the-mill-escort, Seeya xx

Tuesday, June 6th 2017

Summer's here.

Hello Guys!

It’s the summer & I’ve been out enjoying the sun, what about you? Its tough out there just now with hard times, I know all about that, but as always there are Winners and Losers…so look on the bright side, expand your horizons, and try new things, like what? Well how about electrosex? ElectroWhat? Electrosex also called electroplay or e-stim is the art of using electricity to stimulate the body. Why call it an art? Because my friends, finding ways to stimulate the human body is not an exact science. Think of it like music…we all like different types, from rock n roll to opera, but you need to explore and experiment to find out what you TRULY enjoy. And so is the case with E-stim, which offers levels of sensation and pleasure that are difficult to find anywhere else, so come and try! You’ll be in safe hands, combine it with other sensory play and/or tie n tease with me dressed in Leather or PVC, you will not be disappointed.

Other news for June: You’ll see I’ve added NEW up to date pics on my Private Gallery, check ‘em out. I’m currently more brunette than blonde, though the sun is trying it’s best to turn me back to blonde, they say blondes have more fun, don’t you believe it. Also, I’ve booked a week in South Wales commencing the 18th; I don’t normally do solo incalls when I’m touring, however, previous clients are more than welcome in Swansea or Cardiff, can’t wait. It’s such a beautiful part of the world, here’s hoping for good weather. If you’re browsing my profile and have a little thought in your head about a threesome, then flick over to my other profile (under 'COUPLES') look for 'fun50couple', and we’ll make it happen, that’s it for now guys, See you soon in County Durham!

Wednesday, February 24th 2016

Rock n Roll x

Hello to all my Sexy Friends & followers on Adult Work & beyond!

Just a quick post to say that, thankfully, I am back on form and just started working again, after a very rough month. Thank you so much for all your kind messages, flowers & gifts & not least for your patience! I look forward to entertaining regulars & newcomers alike over the coming weeks. The better weather is just around the corner, so I'm looking forward to some outdoor fun, as well as some BIG CHANGES in the pipleline. (No I'm not talking about the IN/OUT referendum, fascinating though that is LOL) Stay tuned, Luv fun50minx xx