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| Thursday, September 12th 2024 |
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| THIS FANTASY OF MINE ABOUT MEN IN HATS! |
A cherished daydream of mine, often re visited...
I’ve got a real soft spot for men in hats... and there’s this one fantasy of mine which is- to have an affair, but not just any Old run-of-the-mill affair... but an affair with an Haz..... ***ish man ...Anyhow I finally meet the man with the big hat dressed in Black... I'm curious to find out what's underneath that hat...Anyway...! We go back to his place, and he removes his hat, letting his hair fall loose. I then tenderly ask if I can wash and blow-dry his hair, and if it's okay with him, if he'd rub his furry big hat into my buttocks & crotch? ( the idea is such a turn on Mmmmmm) Anyway! the sexual tension is building up dramatically ... In the meantime, his wife is downstairs watching television, utterly oblivious to the fact that I am upstairs with her husband! (Oh yeah, this is a very risky Plot!...) I am experiencing a strong orgasmic sensation as I fiddle around with his curly bits between my fingers....(Occasionally, as I'm dozing off in bed at night, I flesh out the plot by adding his wife into the fantasy at which point the story then takes on a much more dramatic vibe! (as you can imagine!)....The proverbial "shit finally hits the fan" when the wife suddenly walks into the bedroom [without knocking] and catches me naked on the bed twirling about with her husband's ringlets in my hand -This is the very moment when everything goes from bad to worse....!As his wife is standing in the doorway she looks on in utter disgust and bewilderment to find her husband in bed with a naked catholic woman (Me). She is standing there speechless, as I turn up the amplitude on my vibrator, and ramp it all the way up to 2.400 volts until I'm rippling out this major massive orgasm....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh ahhhhhhh! (BTW- I hope all of this makes sense?) Anyway!... this affair fantasy will probably continue for as long as men in hats (particularly wide brimmed hats) continues to spark my sexual curiosity, which has been a fantasy of mine for quite some time now... |
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| Wednesday, August 28th 2024 |
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| MY BRUSH WITH FAME! |
Past experiences of the celebrity world prior to AW
I achieved some recognition (way before joining AW) for a role I had in the iconic television series, Dr Who, where I had an acting role. My character, Scraxud, was a shapeshifter and a member of the Abzorbaloff tribe... We were engaged in a fight with the Baaraddelskelliumfatrexius Beasts, attempting to defeat the Doctor...( This was a minor role but I still think it's worth mentioning on my CV)
In addition to this- I have massaged the chest of a very prominent actor who was well known in a popular Detective series on TV ( for data protection I cannot mention his name) I was employed at this London hair transplant clinic for only a short time but During my time there as a Therapist- a renowned Actor visited seeking a hair transplant (for his chest ) which was ( or so I believe) for a specific film role... My responsibilities included conducting skin tests to determine his suitability for the procedure. Additionally, I gave him a professional chest massage as part of this evaluation process, ( NB -there was no inappropriate behaviour) I recall his demeanour as somewhat despondent and notably unfriendly, particularly upon receiving the unfavourable outcome that deemed him unsuitable for being able to get the hairy chest that he wanted/needed. In a bout of anger, he abruptly departed from the clinic despite my attempts to pacify him (I even extended the gesture of offering him a cup of tea) ( PS All info is verifiable BTW!) |
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| Monday, August 19th 2024 |
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| IT SEEMS DELIGHTFUL GINA IS NO LONGER INTERESTED |
Remember in previous blogs when I spoke about the delightful Gina? She's the local road sweeper in my neighbourhood and the woman with whom I lately experienced a profound and overwhelming Imaginary love affair? "Well I think she's gone off me."
This morning I stroll down to my local grocery shop on Caledonian Road- As I'm getting closer, I notice Gina's sweeping cart outside the shop, flanked by her brushes which were meticulously standing up all in a row inside the cart. I was panicking and thinking Oh no! Oh shit! This morning, I just don't feel ready for Gina. I haven't combed my hair! It's in state -sticking up, greasy, and well- just awful—but I thought, well, at least I brushed me teeth…
When I go into the shop—this particular tiny Grocery shop has a tinkling bell that goes ding ding whenever someone walks in—I start to sweat because it's so evident that Gina is also in there!!!! While Gina uses the coffee maker, I blast out and shout "Hello, Raj!" to the store owner. Gina looks over at me Our gazes meet for a brief moment, and I am rendered speechless by the sight of her stunning green Council uniformed beauty—a pierced face adorned with studs and a cap pulled low over her ears....
As I stand there, my jaw drops and my mouth droops in awe. I stammer out a weak, humbling greeting: "Hello, Gina." Raj, the shop keeper, is a really nice guy, and he asks if I would like a complimentary cup of hot chocolate from his machine...but I' don't want hot chocolate as Gina continues to captivate me...At this point, Gina has already said hello and is presumably not really interested since she is busy stirring her coffee. Wow, I seriously doubt she gives a hoot about me. I'm so self-conscious about this that I hide behind the fridge and act like I'm staring at fishfingers.(just thinking about eating fish fingers at eight in the morning makes me sick to the pits of my stomach)
Then next up- I then hear Gina Loud and clear (& in a bit of a sarcastic tone) complaining to Raj about how no one ever gets her a cup of coffee (do you think that was a knock?). At this point, I'm thinking, Oh my God, she's knocking! She must be aiming the comment at me Oh no!!. she must think I'm a right selfish weasel with no Vra Vra in me Vroom Oh no!
Now I'm in a state of panic? To put it simply, I am not a selfish person. I had the need to yell from the rooftops, "Oh my glorious gorgeous lady, I will buy you a cup of coffee!" this is what I wanted to say. But unfortunately, I felt powerless and wordless, with eyes bulging I stared into space. I just couldn't say anything at all (I'm just an Ol' cowardly, selfish bastard, and it's evident that Gina has gone off me)...
Then! The coward that I am, I put my purchases on the counter as Gina was leaving the store (she didn't even say goodbye), and Raj asked me once more, "Are you sure you don't want a cup of hot chocolate?" Because I am now completely pissed off, I curtly just say, "No, thank you." My mind was filled with a never-ending stream of terrible, depressing thoughts, As I was leaving the shop, I saw Gina standing across the street. She appeared to look utterly fed up as she was sweeping, I could see that her big Doc Martin boots were dragging along behind her as if she'd had more than enough of life....
My mind was completely blown; what should I do? I will have to put her out of my mind. To put an end to any doubts, she has completely abandoned me. It is quite clear that this is a very sad day for me.... 
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| Friday, August 16th 2024 |
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| THE 'KNEES UP' |
Last weekend, the whole clan of me family gathered in Poplar E.14 for a jolly good Old fashioned ''knees up''. They came from all over, including those who had become a bit fancy and had travelled from the posher parts of England. There was a duel reason for this- not only to reunite as a clan but also as a pledge campaign for a beloved family member who remains incarcerated…(no further comment)
I had no ' clue wot to wear, (alright, so I know that ain't unusual for women) however, in my case I do seriously relate to this 'cause I mostly have outfits for meetings which are in the main ridiculously extreme variations of dressing up cosplay-type of costumes....!
I had to rummage about through all me bits and bobs to find a little classic number (oh yeah I've got a couple of what I'd call 'regular' outfits) but to get to those I have first of all sift through endless fancy dress costumes because my closet is in the main- dictated by the sex Industry
Anyway!, I comes across this old black skirt, that was down below the knee ( You Gotta keep things fairly decent,after all). It probably sounds dreadful? I reckon it was, no doubt about it. And to top it off, I wore a turtle neck top that went all the way up to me jawline. Avoiding anything that brings attention to me neck and me silly small chin is somethin' I try to do,. From what I can remember, me silly little chin 'as always been somethin' I've been a bit obsessed with but I spose Who gives a toss? Anyway! In order to prevent "me flesh from hangin' out and about all over the place for everyone to see," I usually make sure to cover meself up from jawline to me feet . Usually when I attend social gatherings I cover up completely otherwise I'd get really embarrassed and feel awkward if I was all exposed (if you know what I mean?) Oh yes- I know it's 'hard to imagine, but in reality I am very shy ( shame on you- Oh Yeah, I know you don't believe me!)
So I found meself in a proper tizzy and gettin' all flustered, with me undies in a twist 'Cos I noticed when I took a gander in the looking glass, me belly was stickin' out a bit!!! Once again, I'm rummaging about, searching high and low for this corset that's as hard as nails. I recently got my hands on some top-notch super strong corset laces from a company in Cornwall, so I was frantically tossing everything out of my drawers in a frenzy, desperately in need of that super sturdy corset and these hard as nails corset laces!
As I cinched myself tightly into this super strength corset, perspiration was streaming down my face; the strain was so great that it felt like me ribs were cracking under the extremety of the pressure....
By the way My belly only bulges out a bit but I was finkin' to meself, no bleedin' way, Jose! No bulgey bits allowed 'round 'ere, mate! So wiv these proper hard as nails corset laces, I'm all bound up good n' proper now (can't even breathe - but who cares?
Donning a turtleneck top that reached up to the jawline and a long black skirt that reached way down past my knees and tightened up to such a degree that my waist appeared to be around I dunno 18 inches? - topped off with a pair of movie star dark sunglasses I surely was the singular female rendition of the blues brothers. Anyway all in all- I had a hard time walking 'n' moving, I felt like an android robot made outta wood (Cuz there were'nt much in the way of flexibility you see). It was my hope that when I arrived at the location, I would not be required to bend down (since, to tell you the truth, I could only manage to be upright but definitely there was no room for bending down! (sod all that)
Regardless, I arrived at the designated place in Poplar and made a conspicuous entrance, rather resembling a peculiar extraterrestrial creature that had descended from the skies above. As I entered the venue, everyone turned their heads to observe me, not because of my exceptional handsomeness you understand, but rather, presumably, because I appeared distinctly peculiar among all other women, who definitely didn't have a waist circumference as small as mine which was as I say about 18 inches ( Okay a bit of an exaggeration - but it bleedin' looked like it)
At the knees up, I wanted to definitely get my knees up but because of my restricted limited mobility (due to this corset), I could only flail my arms around like a rowdy football fan at a match. I belted out the tunes of chas and Dave, pretending to be as calm as can be, even though my ribs were throbbing with pain. Blimey, it was a scorcher that evening! Me poor feet, they were bloomin' swollen, they were. Me size 3 feet felt like they'd doubled in size to a size 6 and felt like bleedin' melons squished and mulated into my size 3 and was about as comfy as sittin' on a bed of nails, I can tell ya.
There were loads of old friends and family at the shindig and the eastend really came alive that evening with the sound of chas 'n' Daves rabbit rabbit rabbit (x 20)...blasting out all over the streets of Tower Hamlets- which gauged quite a diverse reaction from the locals 
When the ol' clock hand struck 9pm, I was ready to collapse in a heap, I tell ya..
With a corset that was turning into a death trap and me feet killing me so much it was like an eternal struggle, me whole style was sweatin' in the heat of the night and all I could think about was tearin' off me ensembles and jumpin' under an ice-cold shower and then gettin' cosy in me bed
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| Monday, July 22nd 2024 |
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| GINA THE TEASING ROAD SWEEPER PART 4 |
Dear 'friends', if you're just joining this epic blog...This is a true narrative about desire and romance, between 2 women ( me and the Lovely Gina) Gina is my local road sweeper... Oh the lovely Gina a stoic woman of strength and grace, who makes my heart beat with admiration & adoration !...
Oh, the battle within me rages on, as I try to banish the memories of my love for the enchanting Gina, the local road sweeper. I've been trudging through life, burdened by thoughts of romance.... I've fought with all my might to erase her from my mind, but alas, it's a futile endeavour. Though our connection may not fit the traditional mould of true love, our souls are entwined, irresistibly drawn together as she sends out these telepathic signals indicating that she is deeply fascinated with me, Yet doubts linger, like shadows in a maze Does she bestow her charms upon every woman she meets on Holloway Road? Or am I the chosen one, the heart she truly seeks? To be or not to be, the question echoes in my soul As I navigate this labyrinth of emotions....
Undeniably she is the queen of neat & tidy and I am but a humble listener, in awe of her expertise, courage and gorgeousness When we last met (2 weeks ago)She fearlessly unleashed stories about the treacherous streets of Holloway Road, where danger lurks at every turn. She spoke of the audacious thieves who pilfer from her dustcart, and the harrowing incident when a drunken woman seized one of her sweeping brushes. With a fiery fury, she embarked on a rampage down Holloway High Street, wielding the stolen brush as a weapon, swatting unsuspecting souls with each furious swing. Oh, the heavens trembled as I stood in awe... my heart pounding, as she unleashed her story... Oh, behold for surely this superwoman, is a true unsung hero?...
And so seeming like a lifetime since we last met… her memory still lingers, like a haunting melody, From our last meeting, when with burning passion in her eyes she recalled her experiences about street sanitation ...Particularly my road (as it's reputedly the filthiest street in Islington according to the lovely Gina) I'm wondering when I will see her again? As we speak I listen to the three Degrees and the timeless divine anthem known as "When Will I See You Again." Its haunting lyrics and soaring harmonies ignite a desire to reunite with my lover. Oh, oh, sweet love, it brings tears to my eyes, Gina, my love, when will I see you again? The pain of this separation, it cuts me like a knife…..
(Hopefully PART FIVE will FOLLOW!
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| Thursday, July 4th 2024 |
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| PART 3- ABOUT THE LOVELY GINA MY LOCAL ROADSWEEPER |
Update about Me and The Lovely Gina- My Local Road Sweeper (THIS IS BTW- A TRUE STORY/ DIARY Update
And so! after the epic Parts 1 & 2, as chronicled in my sacred Blogs, the time has come for the continuation of this resounding love story! In the fiery afternoon of yesterday, I embarked on a quest to go to a meeting for the local residents. And as fate would have it, behold! There she was, the enchanting Gina, engaging in her divine artistry of sweeping the streets, delving into every nook and cranny with her almighty brush. Oh, Gina, the irresistible road sweeper who captivates my very inner being! For more about this epic saga, refer to my Blogs, Parts 1 and 2! ANYWAY! In a blaze of determination, I set my sights on her dustcart, ready to chase it down. With every ounce of strength, I sprinted forward, my heart pounding like a thunderbolt As I got closer I slowed my pace, striding confidently towards her. I would approach with an air of nonchalance, as if fate had guided me to this very moment. And so, my monumental pursuit began...
...as I approached, the mighty Gina was rearranging her tools of the trade, her scrapers and brooms, in the dustcart...the atmosphere electrified, a blazing desire ignited in her gaze...her every motion a symphony, a testament of power and resolve - a street warrior...in that instant, I realised my inspiration, that she was my queen of rock 'n' roll. ''Ello Luv ow are ya mate?'' she said....in her 'hard as nails' cockney accent...In the heat of the moment, my heart was pounding as I bravely stood there and declared, "Oh, Gina, my soul ignites in your presence!!!" The atmosphere crackled with anticipation, as if the very universe held its breath, yearning for her response. Her luminous aura, Before I could elaborate and ask how she was doing, my heart was ablaze, With a radiance that could blind the sun, she stood before me looking (as per usual) ever so scrummy delicious in her oh so majestic I*slington council green uniform. Oh my god, she was a vision of pure luminescence! Oh what a warrior, ready to conquer any obstacle, with her trusty dustcart gleaming like a shining blade, as she battles to keep Holloway Road as clean as a whistle! Oh, yeah! Get ready to rock and roll, baby! (There will inevitably- (fingers crossed!) be a follow up after this update -PART 3!
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| Tuesday, July 2nd 2024 |
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| THE GORGEOUS ROAD SWEEPER! |
PART 1- MONDAY MORNING
'About the lovely Gina!' (My local Road Sweeper...!
Gina, is the gorgeous Local Road sweeper who cleans up and down my street (she also is responsible for Holloway Road....(such a brave woman).... Okay! so we regularly bump into each other on Caledonian Road, and exchange pleasantries -Gina, a road sweeper, has an air of poise and dignity as she diligently removes trash and debris from the streets. A twist of fate, nevertheless, occurred this morning, This event unfolded in my local grocery shop. The shopkeeper, Raj, has sparkly eyes; (I think he fancies me and is—more than meets the eye—because he kindly gives me hot chocolate every morning as a thoughtful gesture. We have inexplicable bonding moments—we talk and he embraces me. However, Gina, the road sweeper, will always hold a special place in my heart, even though this story is about random meetings. The story blossomed when Gina, the road sweeper, was also in the shop and started flirting with me. I never imagined her attempts would end; her charisma and attractiveness is undeniable. I watched Raj, his expression sour, because he was obviously envious and it showed!. His envy was like a fire, blazing brightly as the morning came to life, ripe for discovery, I wonder what other marvels today will bring!?
PART 2 - TUESDAY MORNING
I didn't think there'd be a part 2 so soon about the Lovely Gina, my local road sweeper, but as fate would have it, I ran into her just now on my way back from the local grocery shop- she was with her dustcart on her usual morning rounds along my road.... despite the green i*slington c*ouncil uniform I found my heart skip a beat as she got closer, her rugged handsome female form had me suddenly speechless as she yelled out ''ellloooooooo mate!'' I said, "Oh, hello Gina''....erm, for once, I wasn't able to get the words out properly as I felt incredibly timid (and weak!) My knees were knocking together with nerves...O' Gina! You are such a charming, delicious, pleasant, and refreshing change of pace (sigh) Ooooooooooh! (I didn't actually say all that to her though! if I had said that...I don't think she would have clearly understood what I was going on about, as she's a bit....erm...'Rough around the edges' let's just say, but Yes, other than that she's truly one scrumptiously delicious woman at the same time (if you know what I mean?...
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| Tuesday, June 18th 2024 |
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| THE WILD RENDEZVOUS! |
About a Recent 'rendezvous' with a Client
...Becoming hungrier and more ferocious he shifts all his heavy body weight onto mine, making me bend to it, covering me and pins me down with his teeth never once leaving my throat, never , he is snarling like a wild boar and only quietens when he gets his way...
He roars, "You are mineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
I nod. I am his, and he knows it. He has complete ownership of me.
He grabs a handful of my hair and yanks my head back while doing so, he keeps his grasp on my hair while simultaneously unzipping his flys with his other hand
The sound of the zip sends a quivering tremble throughout my body...He makes a grab for my hips, gripping and tugging them upwards till my arse and pussy are revealed to him...he then climbs closer to my face and dangles his cock in front of my eyes which fast becomes most hypnotising...I stretch my mouth open wide to match the size of his now ginormous fat, HARD girth, as I suck hard while rapidly sliding my lips up and down to delight him...
The next thing I know, he's jamming his cock into my hot cunt. He fucks me... quick, hard, and then harder and faster, deeper with every thrust with his balls slamming against my arse cheeks with gushing juices squishing and running down my legs. He fucks me like this till my legs are covered in juice and my arse is squished...
ALL for him, all that wetness, ALL for him, he pummels into me again, I am pleading to be allowed to cum for him, I wanted to flood him with my cum juice....
He lets out an evil laugh and slaps my arse almighty hard when I ask to cum and each time I beg to cum, the slap becomes harder and harder than the one before it. He doesn't answer, but he carries on ramming me harder and harder....
shaking, I am screaming...
''Please, sir'', repeated dozens of times in a row. Because he is stretching me in so many different directions, I have the sensation that I am about to completely rip open...
I beg, "Please, Please Please"...
In spite of the fact that my legs are about to give out, he continues to slap and fuck me, and then he pulls me up on all fours and sinks his teeth into the back of my neck (ffs! I am being eaten alive in this place!.
Finally, he demands that I cum for him (at last, I'll be able to finally release!!!
"I said cum!! ", he is yelling angrily
My fanny is pulsating and ripping major orgasms throughout my body, which felt like I'd been shot with a dozen bullets from a grenade launcher.... as he exploded into my cunt, and he continued cumming and cumming until I was fully stuffed and dripping with his SEX
Afterwards, he collapsed on top of me like a bag of bricks, and I roll his sweaty body over to the side of the room...
As he is laying there collapsed in a crumpled heap, I sprint to the kitchen to make a much deserved bacon sandwich Yum Mmmmmm**
BUT the narrative above is actually nothing more than merely a daydream fantasy..... When I'm bored, I often revisit my fondest fantasies One of which - includes a phantom affair with a Cab driver, who I call- Nikos (Greek for "python"). In my dreams, we often romp on the backseat of his Toyota...
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| Friday, April 5th 2024 |
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| MY LANDLORD! |
My landlord (Mario) came to do his quarterly check on the property last week. He plopped himself down on the sofa and propped his feet up on my pouffe. ..then glancing around the room, he then gazed up at the ceiling and said, "In Greece, I've got my house all decked out in this fancy granite... and I've also got the finest LED light bulbs everywhere... hmm, do ya reckon you could swap out these light bulbs here for the finest LED ones? Oh hold on- it's alright, I've got one on me now, so I tell ya what why don't you just hop up on that chair and screw in these finest led light bulb ''
I changed the lightbulb that mario gave me and then 'E goes on about 'ow 'e was in the back garden and found a lot of dogs shit... I said... "I think you already know Mario that I ain't got no dog " He was like, "I know!" Well, it's bleedin' obvious then that It's gotta be that dog from next door! Come on, let's 'ave a good look outside in the garden and get a proper look at this Poo!''
(I was feeling quite queasy at the thought since I'd just eaten a bowl of Ready Brek for breakfast that morning) Anyway! we went outside into the back garden to discover this pile of shit sitting on the lawn...he whipped out his phone and started snapping pictures of it, then shoved the phone right under my nose, asking, "Does this look like dog poo to you?
I said '' I ain't got a clue tbh... erm… It might be foxes leaving their droppings…I honestly don't know Mario...''
Mario was 'avin a proper look examining it and goes... "Oi, is foxes poo always round like this?"
I said... "I don't know, to be honest, I've never really analysed the different variations of poo..."
(Meanwhile, I'm feeling proper naused up at this point....
(Long story short, he's planning to take legal action against the neighbour over it.
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| Friday, February 23rd 2024 |
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| The Scandalous TREE Lumberjack! |
Some petulant neighbour allegedly submitted a complaint about a tree in the front garden of where I live, which apparently (or so the neighbour said) had troublesome branches with a wobbly trunk, which they considered to be very ''dangerous'' to the general public. LOL I mean, how can a few bloody branches that are dangling over onto the path of the street be considered as "dangerous"?? It was obvious to me that the tree was in good health and was not wobbling in any way at all! I mean all it required was a bit of a 'trim' surely?
However! Next up, I am confronted by this weird looking bloke standing on the doorstep brandishing a bloody hacking axe! he seemed to be very enthusiastic to express his deep concerns about this seemingly 'offensive tree'. So I looked him straight in the eye and pointed to the tree in question, and asked him, " You mean that tree do you?...that one there?... ah well, as far as I'm concerned mate, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that tree whatsoever! He asserted, "Well, I've come to chop it down...I am from 'Odin trees', and our company has been sent a request by the council to completely get rid of it''.... (I was shocked '' Oh What a fucking ruthless monster you are!! why??? why? I can assure you that the tree is most certainly healthy and is definitely not dangerous!;' to which he then remarked "Well, do you see those branches that are hanging over the street over there?" I responded with, "Yeah? ''So what?,'' He said, "Well, you can see that the situation is dangerous, can't you?"
I was like, "No way is that dangerous, mate!"
But still this weird bloke insisted that the tree must go!
Listen up, you fucking cunt! If you dare touch that tree, legal action will be taken against Odin Tree Company. That tree is perfectly fine, got it? Just take a gander at this beauty! Check out that lush greenery and that sturdy brown trunk. This tree is thriving, my friend!
Returning indoors, I made my way up to my flat.
Three hours later, I had to make a quick trip to the supermarket. As I closed the door behind me and stepped outside, I was met with the sight of a dead tree that had been completely mutilated. The trunk, branches, and leaves covered the entire front garden, obscuring the view of the basement flat. It turns out that the prat and his team had indeed carried out the dirty deed. I was furious and saddened by the sight...
My jaw dropped when I saw that, and to rub salt in the wound-
I discovered a courtesy business card on the doorstep from Odin Tree Company, which stated that if anyone wanted the destruction they had caused removed that they should contact them for a quote. How outrageous! How outrageous that they did that to begin with, and now they want those who live here to pay to have it cleared up? (what an utterly offensive act of audacity is that?!. (I was completely gobsmacked quite frankly!.
So!
Right off the bat I lodged complaints with the council. Initially, I tried calling but was informed that the tree department didn't accept direct calls. So, I had to resort to submitting my complaints online! It's an ongoing issue with everyone passing the buck and no one willing to clean up the mess. It's quite disconcerting that nobody will take responsibility, but that's just life, isn't it? That's society for you these days - no one wants to work, fix things, or take responsibility Just the same old story regarding bureaucratic chaos.
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| Sunday, February 4th 2024 |
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| Fixation with the bog standards of toilet roll! |
I have conducted a thorough observation of the quantity of paper obtained from a single toilet roll over the past few days, and the results are quite alarming!
It has been a real eye opener to be honest!
After closely monitoring over a period of 48 hours, I have determined that within a somewhat longer timeframe of approximately 24 to 27 hours, a single toilet roll was completely depleted...
I have been like, "Oh my god, I need to go shopping for more toilet paper- yet again!" ( It's incredibly irritating!)
Recently, I have noticed a significant decrease in the duration of a single toilet roll. Previously, a roll would last approximately 3-4 days, however today it is evident that the typical Andrex toilet roll has been decreased by half its previous quantity.
I noticed that I am expending a significant amount of money on toilet paper. The current rate of progress is equivalent to approximately 4 rolls every 2 or 2.5 days. I am curious about the current situation. Are these manufacturers attempting to deceive customers, or am I using the Loo more frequently than usual?
I admit that I have been a bit careless in my approach to ripping lengths off the toilet paper before usage, and not been particularly diligent in monitoring the number of squares I use. However, I have now begun to take note of the precise number of small squares I should tear off before a wipe...
It's really frustrating me! Until today, I was wasting a good chunk of paper—roughly six squares worth—every time I used a tissue to blow my nose before a wiping session- This meant that two squares of tissue were already gone for that purpose, and four squares were needed for an extensive wiping...
I have two possible theories!
It has become absurd, in my opinion, that the length and frequency of night time toilet breaks are growing. Clearly, I am only half awake, and as a result, I am wasting a lot of tissue because I am pulling off far more than the average person would...Conversely, during daylight hours, when I am completely cognizant, I only utilise approximately 2 squares of tissue (a behaviour I have just adopted upon realising the wastefulness).
OR Is the charming Sri Lankan shopkeeper from where I buy my toilet rolls just selling cheap knockoff Andrex from a slick wheeler dealer who's offering him a deal for fake Andrex that only has a couple of sheets of toilet paper coiled around the cardboard????? These questions need answering!
As a result of this conundrum, I am now down to my last square.
As you may have guessed, this is currently my primary interest. I may even go to Waitrose and Sainsbury's to compare the volumes!
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| Sunday, January 21st 2024 |
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| ANOTHER GRINDING LOVE STORY! |
This is a very true account about someone who I met many years ago while studying at UCH (University College hospital) he was a BDS Dental student while I was also a student training to be a Dental Hygienist/Therapist .Alright, listen up! This guy had quite the interesting situation going on - being a disabled student with a bit of a leg situation. Let's just say he had one leg or rather one and a half legs, if you want to be precise! Let's discuss the art of being a total standout now shall we? Okay so! despite his disability, we managed to hit it off and connect right away. Well, it's no surprise that I have a talent for being drawn to the most unconventional and being attracted to unique qualities - that's just how I roll!...
It wasn't until we graduated from UCH that we started dating properly. Interestingly, we both ended up working at the same dental Practice....
I was hired as a Dental hygienist as he was also hired to be a new Associate Dentist, What was even more peculiar is that we were placed by the manager in clinical rooms adjacent to one another- which meant we could easily sneak into each other's room for a jolly good smooshy snogging session!
Our relationship reached scorching levels of intensity when we found ourselves together alone in a work space - Like for example- the XRAY department...It was during these moments that we didn't resist the temptation to sneak into the dark room -not only for indulging in some spur of the moment feisty sex but also to legitimately process our x rays. Now! dental x rays only takes a matter of minutes to fix- so ! we had just a few minutes to fumble fuck and cum basically!
As previously said, my lover was an amputee with only one leg (and a half!), but wore this silicone/metal prosthetic leg from the knee down. Despite this I guarantee that he was more than capable of getting about town alright and it didn't affect the sexual side of things apart from when he removed the prosthesis (Just before bedtime) this inevitably meant that it was impossible to bounce up and down around in bed however, having the most luxurious crotch credentials ( which most men would 'give their eyeteeth for!') for me it really didn't matter that he had one leg -less... At the time, I thought it was a brilliant idea to work alongside my partner and then continue our fun at home (but that was just at the beginning!) This one-legged dentist was the most adventurous and "unusual" person I had ever met like he'd even bring his pet rat into the clinic and sit it on his shoulder while examining a patient,- I've been racking my brain trying to remember this rat's name, but it seems to have vanished into thin air. I mean God knows why! (Oh, come on! It was definitely not Roland!) Anyway, soon enough, patients were flocking out of the practice to register elsewhere, all thanks to this Dentists unpredictable antics. So, get this, patients were like, "Hey, this Dentist is doing some pretty unethical stuff." They were filling out complaint forms left and right
To keep the story short, this relationship despite being on its final legs ( You can't deny that's a pretty damn good pun) Imagine my surprise when I walked in on him, contorted in this peculiar position with none other than the rotund bird from the clinic (you know, the receptionist) Oh my, what a sight that was! It certainly wasn't something I expected to see!!
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| Thursday, January 18th 2024 |
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| THE RED COAT ROMANCE (PART 2! |
I propped myself down into the rickety three legged chair ( it only had 3 legs because the fourth leg had been torn off during our earlier fight) I was trying to balance myself sitting in this broken chair feeling pretty miserable ....until I decided to crank up the volume and jam out to a bit of Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers' with the timeless banger 'Islands in the Stream'.... which seemed quite poignant for this moment in time however, thanks to Dolly and Kenny I actually felt a million times worse afterwards...
And so Mulling over my stand up comedian boyfriends 'terminally ill' story and the very strange bell ringing symptoms that he said he had in his ears - I come to the conclusion that he was telling lies , I mean if it was true then surely he'd have some visible signs? (or perhaps I just hadn't noticed any signs?
Suddenly I sprang out of my chair and just went for his ears- I was grabbing on to both ears- twisting them around I then got up close and was whispering into one ear "So, Where are those hidden treasures my friend huh? (with all the gusto I could muster, I then let out an almighty scream directly into his right ear) … 'Ello me ol buddy! ha hahaaaaaaaaaa..hahaha Well whaddya know! to be honest Your ears look great and almighty fine to me..... what is it you say they do honey? Did you say that they Play a catchy little tune that goes ''ring a- ding ding ?' Well! I reckon I'll have myself a good ol' gander inside those ears of yours and give 'em a thorough inspection!....''
I then started to look as close as I could inside both ears... With a mighty grip, I hissed into one ear ''Well hello there friend- let me tell you that from where I'm standing there's no sign of any lumps or bumps dangling out from these ears of yours!.... So whassup?? I know whassup- You're a lying pig of a fuckin bastaad- thats whassup!
The words- ignited yet another brawl as we began wrestling one another until we fell onto the floor... But then quickly regaining our footing only to dive into another round as we crashed into the walls & bounced back off again, and so this continued in this way until our energy was completely depleted and we were worn out with exhaustion
Tired we slumped into total silence, refusing to speak to one another for about 3 hours until finally when we began to converse and plan our journey back to London. Since my boyfriend was beginning to exhibit escalating signs of insanity, I made a conscious effort to maintain an 'air of levity' so as to keep him as' docile' as possible.... (for now at least!
Neither of us had any money left... Are you kidding me? (I'm serious, I swear! ) The bottom line is, I managed to increase my credit card limit...With fingers crossed, we packed up our meagre belongings then hit the road . Our first pit stop was to the gas station, where we topped up with diesel...Having a full tank of petrol was liberating- A WHOLE tank of diesel was a source of spiritual joy for me because- finally- woo hoo- I was heading back to London!
As we drove from the gas station, I was so joyful at the prospect of going home that I began singing "Ging Gang Gooli Gooli ... Wow! Oh yay! We now had a WHOLE tank of diesel! I am so happy! ( Unfortunately, déjà vu struck again- when my boyfriend interupted my sing a long and announced that we needed to get to another Gas station to refuel the truck yet again... "But we've only just tanked up!" I shouted... (I swear it only seemed like we'd gone a few miles....and the gas we had only just topped up- had already gone-!.
''Yeah I know but we've gotta fill 'er up again tho'' he says- This old battered truck was swallowing the fuel at quite an alarming rate - so hearing that we had to PUMP it UP again was just.... devastating....I didn't have enough money to keep on topping up this tank...suddenly before we could reach the petrol station the truck just came to a sudden HALT- leaving little alternative but to exit the vehicle, raise our thumbs up in the hope that a couple of strong passers by might stop and if we're lucky help us out to push the truck off the main road....
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| Sunday, January 14th 2024 |
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| THE RED COAT ROMANCE! |
This is a true story about an absurd relationship I that I had many years ago with a professional 'stand-up comedian'... (A RED COAT social club Entertainer who I met whilst on holiday at Butlins ) .... From the moment our eyes met, it was clear that we were destined for each other... We quickly hatched a plan to build a blissful future together, which led to impulsively leave behind the bustling streets of London and embark on a fresh start in the picturesque region of Brittany, France ( I assume you know what the expression ''A life of Riley means?'' well!- that's exactly what 'I' was expecting!!
Ignoring the advice from "others," we set sail on the merry ferry from Dover Docks across the Channel to "Hello, France" This was expected to be the beginning of an epic climax of what would be the most extraordinary love story ever told...Indeed, This was going to be an eternal revelation, a romantic one with a hint of pink... and it was going to continue on forever and ever, in the name of... Amen...
Nevertheless, a feeling of imminent catastrophe overwhelmed us when we discovered that we had surpassed our credit card threshold of two hundred pounds, rendering us incapable of covering our basic living costs. Consequently, we were unable to even afford a simple loaf of bread, leading to severe disputes that unfortunately escalated into a tumultuous series of furniture smashing episodes, within this already dilapidated abandoned cottage where we were staying.- Unfortunately, things escalated to the point that we began fighting and brutally hitting one another with the broken leftovers of the furniture...
Then suddenly out of the blue, my stand-up comedian boyfriend then tells me that he's terminally ill and not expected to live beyond 18 months.- I felt sick as a pig at this point -I felt so piggy sick that I froze to the spot in a daze as a table leg slipped from my hand- (the very one I had planned to use as a weapon!) Overwhelmed by an intense wave of sorrow, I could feel my vision fading as My eyeballs began rolling back- on the verge of Passing Out...Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion in my upcoming and final excerpt!
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| Meoooooooooooooooooow........... |
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| winning Oscar-[For being the Best in Bed!] |
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| Chains! Chains! I'm all in Chains! |
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| PleaseNote:The hairy leg on the right is NOT mine |
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| The look of love~ Oh how it shines! |
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| A keen Graveyard enthusiast |
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| Planning a day out 2 a lovely Graveyard |
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| Wearing the fancy dress I made :-( |
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| Sue the Solicitor has now arrived in the building |
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| POW.. AIEEE.. ARRGH..... AWK! |
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| What is your starsign? |
Gemini May 21 - June 21 |
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| What is your Primary Language? |
English |
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| What is your Secondary Language? |
I can speak a few languages |
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| How would you describe your non-binary gender? |
Other |
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| If other, please specify: |
am I allowed to say ' Heterosexual?' |
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| What is your favourite colour? |
Purple (although it doesn't suit me! |
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| Who is your favourite celebrity? |
Pfft,who needs fancy-pants celebs anyway? |
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| What is your best feature? |
Legs |
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| What three words best describe your personality? |
outspoken, fiesty AND impatient! |
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| What is your favourite food? |
I eat to live not the other way round |
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| What is your favourite drink? |
Vodka, a splash of Pink Gin, a crisp White wine.. |
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| What is your favourite film? |
The House that wouldn't die |
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| What is your favourite TV programme? |
My heart belongs to savage crime progs |
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| What are your favourite flowers? |
ALL flowers are beautiful |
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| What is your favourite perfume? |
Molecule 01 (at ze moment! |
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| What is your favourite gift? |
I'm not bothered about gifts |
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| What is your favourite holiday destination? |
For me, there is no such thing as a holiday |
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| What is your ethnicity? |
Caucasian (White) |
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| What is the colour of your eyes? |
Grey |
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| How would you describe your body type? |
Slim |
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| How tall are you? |
5'8" |
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| How much do you weigh? |
9½st |
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| What is your shoe size? |
3 |
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| What is your dress size? |
10 |
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| What size is your chest? |
36" |
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| What is your bra cup-size? |
C |
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| How would you describe the size of your breasts? |
Medium |
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| Are your breasts natural or enhanced? |
Natural |
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| How is your pubic hair fashioned? |
Trimmed |
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| Do you smoke? |
Socially |
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| Do you have any tattoos or piercings? |
Neither |
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| If you have tattoos or piercings, how discreet are they |
NA |
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| Do you have any birth-marks or scars? If so, size and location? |
None |
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| What times are you always available? |
This varies from week to week (ASK! |
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| Will you do overnight bookings? |
No |
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| List of Towns/Areas you will visit |
ASK! |
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| How long are you prepared to travel for? |
1hr |
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| Nearest rail station? |
Caledonian Road/Holloway Road |
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| What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you in public? |
Any potentially embarrassing incidents would have occurred prior to the age of 30, as over the age of 30 you become impervious to embarrassment due to wisdom & experience.
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| What sort of men turn you on? |
That mysterious guy who looks like Alfred Hitchcock! The type of man who, with a single look, can have your pulse racing and your heart racing with anticipation. |
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| What sort of women turn you on? |
looks like the ladies will have to find someone else to swoon over! My fantasies of women are far more adventurous than reality, but I've given it a shot at least!
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| What is the most memorable sexual experience you’ve ever had? |
Not one of my sexual experiences stand out quite frankly |
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| What is the most outrageous thing that you’ve done sexually (be honest!) |
as a seasoned pro at life! Nothing can faze me now that I've conquered everything under the sun. |
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| Where would you most like to have sex? |
Sex on a motorbike, hair blowing in the wind?
I've no idea...
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| What is your favourite sexual position? |
I'm very nimble when it comes 2 positioning |
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| What is your second favourite sexual position? |
Is positioning really that important then? |
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| What is your biggest turn on? |
I look at peoples TEETH first- always have
I really like irregular teeth and unconventional characteristics in general- those sort of traits- I find extremely appealing |
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| The most sensitive part of my anatomy is? |
Ah , My ears I think |
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| Describe the experience (when and where) |
Rather not remember! |
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| What is your favourite sexual fantasy? |
Well, I guess it is time to take a ride on the wild side and hop into bed with a taxi Driver! |
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| How often do you masturbate? |
I'm not highly sexual actually- I never have been! |
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| What sexual activity do you enjoy the most? |
delightful smoochy-woochy action (Kissing! |
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| When is your libido at its highest? |
"High Noon" |
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![winning Oscar-[For being the Best in Bed!]](http://content2.adultwork.com/cg/G14/thumbnails/10815460.jpg)
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