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| Wednesday, November 13th 2024 |
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| Nov 2024. |
I’ve been told it’s about time for a blog, many times these past few months.
I think I’ve put off the blog for a while now as I just don’t even know where to start, I’ve done so so much this year.
I am happier and healthier than I’ve been in a long, long time. Yet life is perhaps more chaotic than ever before.
To give you an insight, just these last 12 months:
I’ve renovated a house, battled an ongoing divorce, carried on escorting full time and recovered from two very unhealthy relationships. I made new friends & somehow had a social life.
I went insane on egg-freezing hormones, then had wisdom teeth ripped out and couldn’t fully open my mouth for a month (in this line of work!). I did an a-level (educational type, thank you!) and at the same time, the 2nd into 3rd year of a law degree.
I went away at least 10 times - a mix of holidays and escort-touring. I volunteered one day a week for 5 months. I think I’ve moved house 3-4 times since this time last year. And that's just the big things.
I am still standing. Frankly I am scared of my own ability to get up and just keep going.
I know I wasn’t always at my best this year, but if you’d like to slip on a pair of my Louboutins and walk a mile in them, before you criticise, lets go. Continuing that metaphor, I can teach you all about falling over repeatedly, getting back up and continuing to look good whilst doing so.
I really wanted to move to Edinburgh for a fresh start. I’ve been up there 4 times this year alone, once was to view places to live.
Unfortunately, still waiting to be bought out of my old house, so I can do nothing. I’ve given up trying to move permanently, but thoughts of a small holiday home shared with friends is on the cards still.
Some of my favourite moments this year have been:
I went back to Edinburgh for the Fringe festival and took some friends to give them the experience. Got chatting to a comedian who regularly breaks his father out of the care home and takes him to an ‘establishment’ for ‘company’.
At another show, there is a man who strips off and redresses whilst riding a unicycle the whole time, and it took all my strength not to run away with the circus.
I went to Ireland a couple of times in the summer.Having failed to book the Guinness factory before it sold out for the weekend, we settled for Jameson’s. Arriving at Jameson’s, we were informed we’d booked an entirely different whisky experience on the opposite side of town. Yes, that’s correct, we failed to organise a p*ss up in a brewery, twice.
The day I got the (legal, not financial) side of my divorce settled, I had a client in my room. I took my phone with me to the ensuite and refreshed my emails with no expectations. Given how simple and abrupt the confirmation was, I just burst out laughing, with no context for the person who could hear me.
I walked around Reading festival in the summer berating all the young women for wearing next-to-nothing, then I was coaxed onto a fair ground ride, in my modest, long skirt, which promptly blew up as we span around. I couldn’t pull it back down and just had to sit with my hand covering between my legs for the duration of the ride.
I have made a friend who I haven’t seen naked. Which was quite an achievement. I actually set out to do this a couple of years ago and finally managed. No swimming pool changing rooms, or anything of a bedroom nature. It’s been very refreshing.
I lost my voice last week, I wasn’t particularly unwell, but I suppose with all the stress, I’ve been susceptible to minor ailments.
I found the pitch at which I usually moan wasn’t achievable and would come out silently. I’d like to think I’ve given at least one person a complex.
In an exhausted state earlier this year, I crawled into a chinese restaurant, looking for a takeaway. The waiter tried to upsell me on the spring roll type, and I told him ‘I’m sorry I don’t like d*ck that much’.
I have been taking an acquaintance out for top up driving lessons in addition to their ‘real’ ones with an instructor, and it’s been hilarious.
On the first trip out, I read the first paragraph of a historical page on the .gov.uk site which stated that learner drivers can drive on the motorway.
Imagine my horrified, hysterical laughter several hours after dropping them off, when I read the second paragraph, which goes on to say ‘with a qualified instructor, who has dual controls fitted’.
My favourite phrases have become ‘when it’s safe to do so’, ‘that’s not perfect, but we found a safe solution to a real world problem’ and for all things mechanical & theory based, ‘we will be learning this together’.
I think that’s enough for now.
See you soon
H xx |
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| Monday, March 18th 2024 |
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| March 2024 |
Hello
If you would all like to place bets on how long this blog will stay up before Hayley has a funny five minutes and deletes it, go ahead. You have two days.
I temporarily (?) fell out of love with blogging after all those years of typing my unfiltered thoughts onto the internet. Much of my university work at the moment, is “Hey, write a blog post not an essay!” So I figured trying to write a silly one here, might fire me up to write a dry one on corporate law.
I mistakenly assumed what studying law might be like, but so far I’m just getting another degree in how 2 rite gud.
I thought I might relay my recent adventures, through the medium of misleading sentences followed by explainers. Let’s see how we go.
The head was throbbing even before the viagra was taken. She knew in that moment she was going to get her guts rearranged tonight.
- I went on holiday with a bunch of girls last month. One of them gave me viagra for a laugh. I do not know how you guys take it. I’ve never been so ill and what could have been a foursome was only a threesome.
Three of them jostled for space around my open mouth. “Open wide” he said, “it may hurt a little”. “It’s too big, I can’t fit it in!”, she spluttered.
- I got my wisdom teeth out the other day. I am taking it easy this week, because I want to minimise stuff going in my mouth. Tried to eat a roast yesterday and found myself saying ‘Can’t fit that in my mouth” in the middle of a pub. 

She led him down into the basement, “This used to be the dungeon, I’m sure you’ll be spending a lot of time down here.”
- My old house in Portsmouth will be going up for sale again soonish. Any takers? I know the basement would make a lovely man-cave. I’m sure enough has happened there that I could get one of those little, blue, historical plaques!
It felt like my soul left my body as I submitted. Half dressed, hair tousled, I shook from head to toe. I had been tied up before, but never quite like this.
- Some of you think I’m avoiding you. I’ve just been away / touring and I’ve been studying two different courses that are very time consuming. A couple of weekends ago I drank so much caffeine when trying to submit essays that I had some kind of jittery, out of body experience. 

“I suppose it’s better to come second, than not come at all.” She lamented.
- Very flattered that you guys voted for me in the AW Accolades. The vibrator I got as a prize is cracking. I got some credits to spend on the AW shop too, ran to the door for the parcel, thinking it would be the new toys, but it was a little trophy that I wasn’t expecting. Adorable. I did say to my friend “Well I can’t fit that inside me, what a disappointment.” I did want AW to post a photo of me with a 4ft high crochet purple phallus, that someone very kindly made for me, but I defer to their wisdom in choosing to use a photo of me looking much more lingerie-d & youthful. Sex Sells, knitting does not. 

It was after midnight and she was tugging with all her might, but it just would not come. She used both hands and was contemplating using her feet as she wrestled with it’s thick, black girth. She had a desperate need for connection, but this was too much, nobody had warned her.
- I went up to Scotland about 10 days ago. Hired a Tesla because it wasn’t that much more than a normal car and I wanted to try an electric for the first time. The lady at Hertz did NOT tell me how to disconnect the charging cable. You had to get in the car and press two buttons on the screen, then get back out and pull it out. As I understood, at midnight in the Tesco Extra Car Park in Dundee, having had a tug of war, muttering obscenities about Elon, YouTube tutorials guiding me through.
The rest of my Scotland trip was good. A bit of social time, a bit of tourist time, and just working enough to cover costs. I do love it up there and will try to get back, when uni & college schedules permit.
- I can’t think of a silly sentence to start this one with… 

I have blocked a few people lately. It’s not been easy. But I’m very much of the mindset that life is too short, and I don’t want to spend it feeling stressed or ill at ease, if I have alternatives.
I’m sorry I’ve felt the need to do that, usually it’s been a slow grinding down. A tough battle between ‘I know he’s a nice person, but some of his behaviours are too much’.
I’ve applied a similar mindset to the rest of my life too. Everything that is stressful, I’m cutting it out and once I feel calm, I can start to add things back in again. Calmness is on the horizon but it is not here yet.
Hope you’re all well
See you soonish.
H xx
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| What is your starsign? |
Sagittarius Nov 23 - Dec 21 |
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| What is your Primary Language? |
English |
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| What is your Secondary Language? |
Spanish/French |
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| What is your favourite colour? |
Blue |
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| What is your best feature? |
Bum |
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| What is your favourite perfume? |
I haven't found one I dislike. |
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| What is your favourite gift? |
Silicone lubricant or candles. |
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| What is your ethnicity? |
Caucasian (White) |
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| What is the colour of your eyes? |
Hazel |
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| What is the colour of your hair? |
Red Brown |
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| What length is your hair? |
Medium |
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| How tall are you? |
5'8" |
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| What is your shoe size? |
6 |
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| What is your dress size? |
10 |
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| What is your bra cup-size? |
C |
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| How would you describe the size of your breasts? |
Medium |
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| Are your breasts natural or enhanced? |
Natural |
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| How is your pubic hair fashioned? |
Shaved Mostly |
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| Do you smoke? |
No |
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| Do you have any tattoos or piercings? |
Tattoos |
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| If you have tattoos or piercings, how discreet are they |
Very Discrete |
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| Will you do overnight bookings? |
No |
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| List of Towns/Areas you will visit |
Fareham, Portsmouth, Southampton, Chichester |
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| How long are you prepared to travel for? |
1hr |
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| Nearest rail station? |
Fratton |
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